You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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