i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
