I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
