i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
