porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
