Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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