I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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