hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
