she woke up with a sticky ear
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
