Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
