she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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