some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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