Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
