its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize