Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
