I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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