I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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