Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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