Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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