Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
