After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
