is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
