i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
