I'm really into asian looking animals
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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