So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
