I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
