my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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