found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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