I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
50% drunk capacity currently
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
