I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You were trust falling into bushes
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
