I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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