I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
