i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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