It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
