she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm really busy with my period
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