Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
