I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i will never coherently bang her
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
