I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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