I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
