you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
