Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
