How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
