Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
