my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize