I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
