Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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