Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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