she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
