Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
