stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
