I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
