I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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