that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
