marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
