i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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