Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize