Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
