Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
