I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
