Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
