She went from zero to smokin in five shots
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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