At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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