She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
