We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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