I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
