ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
even my farts smell like vagina
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
