happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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